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Misophonia

by inkmink

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1.
Holding hearts in our hands - crushed just because we (shouldn't but) can. We do what we don't want to. Blood in the sand, leaves on the shore, smoke in the water, a sky that's just sun. And so you change your mind; you get to walk out of this one alive but what about me? And now this wall is built right in front of our eyes. Did you see it coming? I didn't see it coming at all. Boys in the band, leaves on the floor, planned for a daughter, we don't even get a son. And so you change your mind; you get to walk out of this one alive but what about me? And so you change your mind and I'm the idiot left asking selfishly, "What about me?"
2.
State 03:02
I bet you wish you could glue me to the floor but I don't want to play that game tonight. If I looked into your eyes and let you see what I see when we are together you'd know that despite our best efforts to be alive our lonely hearts will always be lonely. This state is killing me and despite what I believe my real life is on the internet. It's the only way we'd meet. We're still the dogs resting at their feet. We still do whatever we are told. A night of digging holes (and) begging them to fill them in with us inside holding hands. (howls) (more howls) The world's about as bad as we truly think it is, and it's even worse for others. But I have a hard time seeing past my own pain because the knives are glinting here in this bar's light. I can't even take a piss without fearing for my life but maybe I'm just drunk and an idiot. If you left me I would die but I would understand; my whole life is haunted.
3.
I feel guilty looking out of the window into the night. All I want is to find you there standing in the lamppost's light. The dark isn't that thick; it does not resemble pitch. When I try to find you in it, though, my arms still tend to itch. I come up empty handed but you do not belong in my hands. I just think that I need you given what my heart demands. So if it's okay with you I'd like to keep on searching until these lungs are empty and on my body vultures are perching.
4.
WRXXT 02:49
There's something about the word "wrist" that makes me wish I had you holding mine in your hands, pulling me off the bed toward you - twisted covers 'round my legs and smiles on both of our faces. The way you push your tongue into my mouth would put my dumb heart through its paces. I can feel my heart sink further down into my empty chest. Your body's just an apparition and your picture's between two pages, pressed. I know you think I am not handsome; I think you think I know you do. And if you asked me to do anything I think I know you know I would for you. Your wrists hold hands - hold your hands, hold your hands. My wrists hold hands - hold my hands, hold cold hands.
5.
6.
7.
Is that Dracula's castle on the hill or just some decaying apartment? Either way - the end of a life by talisman or trinket, by ruby broach or key ring. There's nothing worth doing at all. This state is so dead or I am, at least, left to rot inside or around the border.
8.
9.
Anymore 04:00
I used to feel so good in the autumn's colder air. I'd sit outside and shiver and pretend that that was love. I used to think that death was maybe just the end, and I still think it is, but I'm not looking forward to it anymore. What's love got to do with anything at all? I am not owed an embrace, hands, wrists, or a kiss. Why did I think it was fair to expect you to stay afloat with all of my extra weight? I can't ask you to do that anymore.

about

The proper follow-up to 2012's "When I Dream of This Place." This album is about many things: disappointment, fear, privilege, navigating privilege, delusion, illusions, aging, fantasy, acceptance (accepting yourself, others, and being accepted by others). The title is a word that is also the name of a disorder whereby folks are annoyed and irritated by ambient sounds (people chewing, hushed voices, scraping utensils, etc.) In a way this is an album that is also about hating your voice (in every way) and not being able to communicate.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING

credits

released August 5, 2014

Kenneth Masloski used guitar, synthesizer, drum machine, loop pedal, singing, computer, and 8-track to make this album & wrote the words.

Written, recorded, edited, and mixed from December 2013 to June 2014 in Stillwater, Oklahoma

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inkmink Maine

inkmink started in an apartment in Farmington, Maine in 2005. inkmink is an independent project.

Don't break my heart and tell me you don't remember.

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